Now What? Ramblings about health and life...

It's been 2 weeks since the race. As I've gone over the day in my head, I of course, have analyzed every aspect of the day. What could I have done better? Faster? This race was my sole focus for a year and now it's done. What do I do now? Create new goals I suppose, but somehow it doesn't feel that easy. It's weird sometimes, because I'm often referred to as an "inspiration" to others. I understand why someone might think that, I really do, but I don't feel like an inspiration at all. I feel like a person who is trying to figure out how to not be sick all the time.

I had another surgery 5 days ago. 10 days after the race. It was a pretty minor procedure in the list of my surgeries. It was an outpatient procedure. I went home the same day. I have this vision of myself as pretty tough when it comes to medical stuff. I've had 2 open heart surgeries. A pacemaker implanted. I've had my appendix removed in an underdeveloped country (Tajikistan) WITHOUT general anesthesia (they used Novocaine to numb the area and I was awake).

I've been really frustrated with myself because this minor, outpatient procedure has made me really sore for the past 4 days. Sore to the point that I haven't been to the gym, I've spent days lying on the couch, resting. I'll complain about being sore and my wife keeps reminding me that I just had surgery, but somehow it doesn't register. "I should be better by now. I should be up and active. I shouldn't still be sore. I shouldn't still be resting." These are my thoughts. No one else expects this of me, but I expect it of me. I don't feel like an inspiration. I feel like a failure. A sick person.

Thankfully, I'm a person that has the ability to reason with myself. That's just how I feel, that's not who I am. I do get sick, but then I get better and when I'm better, I always push myself to try to do more, do something I couldn't do before. So...Now What?

I start again.

2015 has been a difficult year. A dear friend and amazing human being died earlier this year, unexpectedly. We moved to a different region of the country. There's been so much loss. Not just this year, but the past several years. Family, friends, faith, comfort, health, finances. Everything has been impacted.

We're slowly moving into Fall. My favorite time of year. Things slow down, it's preparation for Winter and the end of another year. My wife and I are doing a Whole 30. It's a 30 day cleanse. No Sugar, no alcohol, no dairy, grains or soy. It's a reboot of sorts. I hope this time frame-the 30 days of the Whole 30 and the next 3 months of Fall can prepare me to say farewell to this difficult, challenging and beautiful year and get ready to welcome all the new challenges and adventures of next year.

Goals? I'm not sure yet. I know I'm going to do the Chicago Olympic Triathlon again next year, but other than that, I'm going to try and give myself a break from "goals" and just try to enjoy my favorite time of year.