Open water swimming and lessons in humility.

Someone should warn you before you start triathlons that pretty much everything you wear for a triathlon is made of material that suctions itself to every part of your body. It is almost impossible to get on and/or off a wetsuit without a tremendous amount of pulling, tugging, and stuffing yourself into an outfit you would generally never wear around other people that can actually see you. This is why triathletes like to hang out with other triathletes, you don't look weird if you're in a group.

Last week, I bought a wetsuit. I live in the North now and most of my swimming will be in open water and likely in Lake Michigan, which is still pretty chilly in late Spring/early Summer.
My wife says I look like a super-hero. She clearly loves me. Another blogger has described it as feeling like sausage stuffed into casing and I would say that's a pretty accurate description.

The positive of this is the humility lesson. Very few people look slim and muscular in tri suits and wetsuits, but they are tremendously functional. It is very beneficial to be able to swim, bike and run in one tri suit and the wetsuit makes it possible to swim in 50 degree water and not freeze to death. I'm learning to appreciate my body for what it can DO and not what it looks like. I would be lying if I didn't say I would still rather see the slim, muscular version of myself, but it's not my sole focus and that feels like progress!

Ok, swimming. I love the water, I always have. I was a swimmer in high school (mostly back stroke) and I have always loved any opportunity to be in water. I'm not afraid of the ocean or open water. This is part of the reason I thought triathlons would be a good fit for me. What I didn't think about is the fact that it has been over 20 years since I have done anything more than leisurely swim. The first triathlon I completed was only 500meters and I managed ok, but definitely realized I needed more swimming practice. I struggled to maintain good breathing and could have had better body position in the water.

The first two weeks of group training for swimming with CES was working on technique. We were at a community pool and it was extremely helpful. My breathing improved and I could feel the difference in body position. I still need to practice a lot more, but I'm feeling a bit more confident. Then, we had our first open water swim in Lake Michigan. Lesson: I need A LOT more practice, especially in open water and using a wetsuit.

Let me preface this next section: It has been a cold and rainy and windy Spring here in Chicago. When we got into the Lake, it was pretty calm, albeit, cold (But the wetsuit helped tremendously with the cold!). Within a few strokes, the wind suddenly picked up and we were swimming in very choppy water. As soon as I swallowed a bunch of lake water from a wave crashing over me, I started to panic and lost control of my breathing. I had to stop swimming and try to take some deep breaths, which was harder to do because of the tight wetsuit. After a brief pause, I felt calmer and tried to swim again to find that I couldn't get my breathing regulated and the choppy water felt disorienting. Several times, I flipped over and did the back stroke for a minute to catch my breath, but I can't see from that position and worried that I would veer off. I also did a lot of side stroke and breast stroke to round out the swim. 20 minutes later, I was back on the beach with the rest of the CES group and coaches. It seemed a lot of the group was shaken up a bit from the swim and the coaches gave us good positive feedback for fighting through the bad weather conditions to finish the swim, but it was jarring to realize how uncomfortable I felt in the choppy water. I know someday I will probably swim in a race with water conditions that are worse than that if I continue in triathlons, which I hope to do, so I need to figure out how to deal with this new challenge.

(This picture was taken right after we got out of the water...it's hard to tell from the small waves on the shore, but it was fast moving, choppy water further out in the lake!)

Beginnings and Biking

Well, my "official" CES (Chicago Endurance Sports) group training has begun! I wasn't sure what it would be like or how I would feel about it. I have always run alone (or with one or two friends, but even then, only occasionally.) I'm not much of a "group" person, I like the alone time of training. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I really enjoyed our first group run. It wasn't a long run, we spent most of the session going over good running form and then did a quick 20 minute run to practice with some stretching at the end. I was happy to quickly befriend a group of women who are also newbies (with me being the only one who has actually completed a sprint triathlon).

I also have coaches, which is really nice and also kinda weird. They use a program, training peaks to send out our individualized training plans, which are based on this very long questionnaire we filled out for the coaches about our medical history (mine was VERY long and I attached medical release letters from my doctors) and our personal training goals. The program even has an app for my phone so I always know what workout I should be doing...

My workout for the day was a 60 minute bike at Zone 2 (easy, relaxed pace). Well, first I had to change the tube in my front tire. This was a first for me! I've watched others change a bike tire, but I've never actually done it myself. I had the new tube, my pump and levers.  You Tube was up and ready to watch how to videos! After a couple how to videos and my wife also talking me through it, I changed the tube in my tire! Yay for small successes!

So...on to the bike ride! I was very excited to bike along the lakefront path. I wanted to bike south on the path since it is more scenic and often less crowded. I knew the weather was a bit colder today, but I figured that would be nice on a longer ride. I did not however, check the wind. BIG mistake! I basically rode for 30 minutes and then turned around for the last 30 minutes. I could tell it was windy as I was riding south, but it was primarily blowing from the side or behind me, which was helpful, but after 30 minutes on the bike, I turned around to ride north. I instantly knew this was going to be MUCH harder. The wind was intense and I was riding directly into it. At times, I was pedaling and it felt like I was barely moving forward. I had to stop a couple times to regroup and shake my hands out because I was gripping the lower handles so hard to try and balance the bike while staying as low (aerodynamic) as possible to cut through the wind. It took me almost 15 minutes longer to get back to where I started and it was so much harder than I anticipated. I even yelled out at one point (to no one in particular as there weren't many people out), "Oh my god, are you kidding me!" By the time I got home, everything hurt. My legs were sore, my ass was sore, my hands were sore. I checked the weather and there were 17mph winds with gusts up to 25mph. I'm glad that I rode in the wind. I know its an important thing to do around here, when wind can often be an issue. I need the practice, you never know what race day conditions will be like, but I hope beyond hope, that it is not THAT windy! My legs felt like jelly. I can't imagine running after that. But, I made it. I didn't quit and take CTA back home, I battled through it and ended up biking 72 minutes in some pretty intense wind! I rewarded myself with a hot bath and a good, healthy after workout meal of arugula and steak with greek yogurt and some grapes. Yum!

Food for life: Recognizing addiction and lessons in fueling my body.

I love food. I hate eating. This dichotomy is probably a big piece of why I have loathed my body over the years. As a kid, I was pretty average, maybe even on the skinny side. I was also a very picky eater, (my nickname was Bird because I didn't eat a lot but loved bread) I'm still a picky eater at times. As I hit puberty, I became much curvier and developed breasts and hips earlier than most of my friends. I learned to be more self conscience, but I was still thin and healthy. I grew up in a home where weight was an issue. I remember being aware of "diets" and "being thin" as a priority. I watched my parents gain and lose weight throughout my childhood. I've watched my father struggle with it my whole life. I'm very aware of the "dangers" of being fat. My father has type 2 diabetes. I've watched him lose 60lbs and gain 80lbs, then lose 40lbs. Over and over and over. My father is an emotional eater and I learned from him. I'm a daddy's girl and I have identified with his struggle for as long as I can remember (even when I didn't have any weight to lose of my own).  As I became an adult, more pressing medical issues became the focus. In my early 20's, I had my gallbladder and appendix removed within 6 months of each other and then at 27, my first open heart surgery. After that surgery was the first time I was truly overweight and that time frame cemented my genetic predisposition to emotional eating.

I think my first "diet" was probably as a teenager sometime when I was certainly NOT overweight, but had learned to find something about my body that needed to be different, as most women in our culture are taught to do. I had probably lost and gained the same 10lbs for a decade, and all while at a healthy (whatever THAT means...) weight.

I'm 42 now and STILL struggling with this. Admittedly, I am considered "overweight" and I can feel the difference 15-20lbs makes on my body while trying to swim, bike and run farther (and faster) than ever before. What I don't know how to do is deal with it in any kind of a healthy way. Over the years, I have gradually maintained 5, then 10, then 15 pounds of weight that I didn't have in my 20's. Some of that is too be expected with age, but I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER and I need to deal with that. I know what healthy eating looks like. I've tried every 'eating style' there is; vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, whole 30. There are merits to them all and limitations to them all. Over the years, I, at least, have a better understanding of what food makes me feel better and what foods make me feel like crap (i.e. sugar and processed foods).

 I need to readjust my relationship with food. I read a ton of training articles and consistently hear about "food as fuel." I want food to be my fuel so my workouts are more effective, so my body can use it to help me go farther and faster in my races. Yes, I would like to also lose these stubborn 15-20lbs, but I know it's not just about weight loss. It's about learning to control a habit I learned many years ago. A habit that no longer serves any use.

Stronger than I think (and learning to give myself a break)

I was feeling a lot of pressure today to get my workout in. I didn't do any training the past 2 days and I felt extremely guilty about it. I'm learning that I have a lot of guilt around working out (or not working out). I was planning to train on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday, I had a great workout. I did a brick workout where I ran, then biked, then ran again. I felt REALLY good about the workout. So much so, that I started thinking "Hey, this endurance stuff is definitely my forte. I feel like I get stronger the longer I'm training/the further I go." Then, Sunday came. I completely avoided my workout. Maybe I was too tired from Saturday's workout, but I didn't feel too tired to work out. In fact, I had energy to do other things. I just didn't want to do it. So I didn't, and I felt SO guilty all day. But I told myself, "well, you'll just do a quick workout tomorrow after work to make up for it." I didn't do that either. Sometimes, I'm just not very motivated. I can talk myself out a training session a little too easily.

I'm learning (slowly) that it's okay to miss training sessions, it's okay to choose sleep, friends, family over a training session now and again. There's so much talk in the endurance sports field about finding balance between training and the rest of life (work, family, etc) and I get it now. I feel pressure to be training, but I also feel pressure to be available to spend time with family and friends (this is completely internal pressure, my wife is extremely supportive of my training. Thankfully!)

I have a sign in my office (I'm a clinical social worker) that says "It is what it is." I love that sign. It's pretty much my motto. I can't be everywhere. I can't be everything to everyone. I can't think about myself solely. So, balance. I'll miss a few training sessions to spend time with my wife and friends. I'll leave early or arrive late to gatherings to get my training in. I'll keep working on the guilt part :-)

On a completely different note (sort of), I ran for 30 minutes today without a walk break!!! Woo Hoo! After all my guilt over not training the past 2 days, I went into my workout today unsure of how it would go. My plan was to swim and run, but I've missed several swim sessions lately and my motivation has been waning this week. I got in the pool and completed 800meters (1/2 mile). 100 meter warm up with the kick board, 600 meter free style stroke with minimal breaks (short 10-15 seconds between each 100 meters) and then 100 meters cool down with the breast stroke. That's the farthest I've swam in decades. I felt really good about it and it gave me a boost getting onto the treadmill to work on my running goal. My plan was 26 minutes of running, but I felt so good after the 20 minute mark, I decided to aim for 30 minutes and I made it! I even went a little farther after a 2 minute walk break and added a 10 minute interval run (increasing and decreasing speed) before my cool down!

I'm still running pretty slow, but I feel good about the endurance I'm gaining and I know speed will come with time and training.

Learning to Run

I'm the queen of the Run/Walk. I love the Run/Walk.

Since I started my running life just over a month after my 2nd open heart surgery, I needed to start out slow. Very slow. I needed the rest between my short run spurts. I started with 30 seconds of running and 2 minutes of walking. I would do that for 20 minutes. Over time, I worked up to running for 2 minutes/walking for 1 minute. Repeat. I believe overall, it's better for you to take periodic walk breaks. Better for your joints, better for your longevity as a runner, but here's my confession:

I've been using that belief as a crutch.

 

When I started out, I was still recovering from a very invasive surgery. My goal for that first race, 5 months after surgery was a 2:1 Run/Walk ratio for the entire race. I did it. Yay Me! Even though I had "mastered" my 2:1's, I stuck with that run/walk ratio throughout my half-marathon and marathon training. Over time (umm, years), I worked up to 5:1 run/walk ratio and then stopped. I could run/walk for 10+ miles with 5:1's. That was good enough. I will probably always take regular walk breaks in any race I complete. My pace is more consistent over time with walk breaks; it gives me built in time to take in fluids and nutrition for longer runs.

 

I don't know why, but this bothers me. Not the taking walk breaks in races, I think that's crucial. It's the fact that I never tried to increase my running time to more than 5 minutes of nonstop running. Even though I know I can run for a long time, not knowing if I could run for 30 minutes without stopping makes me feel like less of a runner.  Which I know is crazy, I would never think that about anyone else, but as it is with a lot of people, I judge myself harsher than I judge others. I also run pretty slowly, but that bother's me less. (Although I do hope to get a little faster over time)

 

 

 

 

This is my current quest. 30 minutes of nonstop running. I've been working on this for a few weeks  and I'm up to 24 minutes :-)

 

Next: Work on speed and stringing longer run sessions together with the walk breaks. We'll see where my running goes from there.

 

My official Triathlon training begins June 1st with CES. I'm excited and nervous. I want my running to be as strong as possible since I'm going to need a lot of practice time in the pool/open water (Lake Michigan) and on the bike :-/

 

 



Making Myself Accountable

I get asked often "Why running? Why Triathlons?" The short answer is "because I can." The long answer goes back 15 years.

I was 27 years old, finally finishing my UNDERgraduate degree and thought I was generally healthy. I went to the gym mainly for vanity reasons, but I also smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and ate mostly fast food or processed food and only went to the doctor if I got a cold or injured myself.

Because this is a blog and not a book, I'll skip the finer points, but suffice it to say that I got sick. Very sick. Very quickly. I went to the emergency room and found out I was in severe congestive heart failure due to Mitral valve stenosis. I had emergency open heart surgery the following day. My recovery from that surgery was less than ideal. I lived alone. I was a college student and had a full-time job. I couldn't really afford to not work, I couldn't really afford my medications. Needless to say, I was depressed and brought taco bell and McDonald's by well meaning friends who didn't really know how to help. I wallowed in self pity, gaining 40lbs in the process.

Fast Forward 10 years and a lot had changed. I finished my Master's Degree, I had lived in Arizona for 8 years and even though I continued to have periodic medical complications from taking Coumadin (A blood thinner), I was healthier and more active. I also met my wife during that time and moved to Atlanta. 10 years, almost to the day, I ended up back in the emergency room with very familiar symptoms. I had a mini stroke (which we actually found out years later) and was back in congestive heart failure. A clot had developed on my valve. Another open heart surgery to replace my mechanical Mitral valve. Thankfully, my life was more stable and I had amazing support from my girlfriend (now wife) and a great community of friends that made my recovery much better.

A month after surgery, I started a new job, and a co-worker and eventual good friend was a distance runner and she encouraged me to sign up for a 10K race (The Peachtree Road Race, only the largest 10K race in the country!) that would be 5 months post surgery.  It took me 1hr and 15mins to finish, but I finished! That turned out to be the beginning of my love for running.

After that, I decided to sign up for a half marathon 3 months later. After that race, I signed up for the Georgia Publix full marathon. You see where this is going. I raced a lot that year preparing for the full marathon, including another half marathon. Unfortunately, my marathon experience was a DNF at the 25 mile marker, when I was so dehydrated that I couldn't continue, and with my history, I was off to the emergency room for fluids and observation.

 I took an extended racing (and running) break after that. Plus, I had a wedding to plan, so that took a lot of my time. I didn't really start running or racing again for almost a year (a lot of life happened in that year).
 In March 2014 (3 years after my 2nd open heart surgery), I ran a St. Patrick's Day 5K with some friends. I had a PR for my 5K time. I felt amazing. A couple hours later, we were at brunch with a group of friends and I apparently passed out momentarily (I don't remember it at all). Many trips to the doctor and several tests later, my doctor told me I had bradycardia (Low heart rate) and that over a 48hr period my heart slowed to below 60 beats a minute multiple times a day and I would also flat line for a brief moments which was what caused the loss of consciousness that day. Because my heart rate would fall so low to officially flat line, my doctor wanted me to have a pacemaker implanted immediately. My 3rd emergent heart surgery/procedure. Thankfully, the procedure is pretty routine and I even got to go home that day!

As with my last heart surgery, I signed up for the Peachtree Road Race 10K, 3 1/2 months later. I even got a another friend into running and she signed up with me! There's something about that race that seems to spark something in me. I had been tossing around the idea in my head for a while to try a triathlon. I had been fascinated with them since watching the Kona Ironman Championship races on tv as a teenager. I signed up for a sprint triathlon (500meter swim/14mile bike/3.1mile run) at the end of the summer (and the Savannah half marathon in Nov). I signed up for some basic swim lessons as a brush up on stroke mechanics and breathing and bought a road bike. I was ready! Thankfully, I had several friends that had done several triathlons, including the Ironman distance (2.4 mile swim/112 mile bike/26.2 mile run) and they talked me through transitions and took me to open water swims and let me borrow a tri kit (the outfit you wear to swim, bike and run in). I finished in my goal time and was hooked. I loved it!

I immediately started talking about wanting to do the Chicago Triathlon the following year (2015). We had decided to move to Chicago that summer and although we didn't realize we would be moving in Jan 2015 (in the dead of winter, brrr), it worked out perfectly for my triathlon plan (well, sort of). I also had a marathon plan. I feel a strong pull to complete a marathon since my DNF in 2012 and the Chicago marathon is one of the 6 major marathons, so I was planning to add that to my training schedule. Just as I had made my training plan, I fell down some stairs and did this.

It's been a very rough start to 2015.

So, where does that leave me? I've scratched the marathon for this year, but I am signed up for the Chicago Triathlon, Olympic distance (0.9mile swim/25mile bike/6.2mile run). My ankle finally healed and I started running again about a month ago. I've done some swimming as well. I decided to train with Chicago Endurance Sports in their group triathlon training program so I have some accountability, but this is also my accountability. Putting it out there publicly. I'm ready to do this.